It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
