i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
