Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
