remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
