The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Your mouth is God's brothel.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Randomize
