Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Be still, my beating vagina.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
