I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
