woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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