She's JV to your varsity
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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