my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
