Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
