I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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