I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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