remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
