covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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