so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Never underestimate the power of titties
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
