every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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