I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I forget how to act sober
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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