I heard we made out
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
