she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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