your room smells of hookers.
And success
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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