Can Purell be used as lube?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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