Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
