1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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