don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
