Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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