Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.