every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Dating After Heartbreak
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain