Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Whats up?

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Stay up. I'm coming home in a little

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you

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  (847): Whats up? (402): Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down (847): Stay up. I'm coming home in a little (402): Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you http://tfl.nu/2oii
  Replies (2) Good night (2341) Bad night (825)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet

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  (954): Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet http://tfl.nu/1ehg
  Replies (14) Good night (834) Bad night (3106)
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  (353): View more from

  Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.

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  (353): Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila. http://tfl.nu/uacf
  Replies (10) Good night (4220) Bad night (829)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"

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  (319): We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30" http://tfl.nu/oadk
  Replies (9) Good night (5891) Bad night (981)
• Favorite

  (754): View more from Florida

  Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day

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  (754): Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day http://tfl.nu/l2mr
  Replies (6) Good night (2699) Bad night (759)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice

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  (732): There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice http://tfl.nu/ufj4
  Replies (7) Good night (2383) Bad night (776)
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  (+84): View more from

  The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white

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  (+84): The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white http://tfl.nu/gomk
  Replies (8) Good night (2953) Bad night (608)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?

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  (303): I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class? http://tfl.nu/wrjt
  Replies (3) Good night (1435) Bad night (1109)
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  I have a broken liver

  (1-575): View more from New Mexico

  I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.

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  (575): I have a broken liver (1-575): I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us. http://tfl.nu/0hjr
  Replies (2) Good night (1213) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.

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  (813): A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise. http://tfl.nu/t24q
  Replies (2) Good night (409) Bad night (1386)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.

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  (312): 2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits. http://tfl.nu/57o4
  Replies (8) Good night (872) Bad night (378)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"

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  (256): We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!" http://tfl.nu/7rwd
  Replies (1) Good night (441) Bad night (217)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.

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  (831): Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success. http://tfl.nu/80xv
  Replies (1) Good night (412) Bad night (489)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.

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  (+44): My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more. http://tfl.nu/t57q
  Replies (1) Good night (540) Bad night (210)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.

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  (256): I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about. http://tfl.nu/f4uq
  Replies (2) Good night (659) Bad night (307)

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