the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
love makes seman taste better
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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