dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My ass is underappreciated
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.