peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
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Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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