you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
