I want to walk on stilts...naked
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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