After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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