She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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