You just made me feel so damn special
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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