someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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