If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Pooping to opera.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
