i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
