Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
