I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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