she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
