Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
