I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
