he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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