Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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