i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
