i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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