Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she peed on how many people?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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