WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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