I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
