I must be too annoying 4 u.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
