Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
