Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
