I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
