every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
