Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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