Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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