I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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