First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
