that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
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