why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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