I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
