If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
