suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This is classic penis vs brain.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
