and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
