i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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