She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
