Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
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I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Found your dick twin last night
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Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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