he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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