I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
