y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize