Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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