Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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