new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
