So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
