Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
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You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
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I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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