Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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