you turned your livingroom into a bong?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
my liver is dry heaving
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
