Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
being pregnant is like rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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