All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
