I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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