I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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