and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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